Mother's Day Reflections

Just a quick warning - I am so, so tired (shock) so this post might be a little all over the place...sorry! I am surviving on coffee and sheer determination. And coffee. BUT...

Today is my first mother's day as a mother.

When babies are born, every one says the same thing - "they grow up so fast, they get big so quickly. Try and enjoy every minute of it all." The thing is, those people are right. It all goes by so quickly that it's hard to enjoy it, because by the time they're old enough for you to take the time to sit back and enjoy it, they're not itty babies anymore. I find it hard to remember all the little things about his newborn days. I remember how sleepless I was in hospital, how I could distinguish his cry from all the other newborns right away. I remember being completely enraptured by how tiny and gorgeous and lovely he was. I remember being so excited to get out of hospital and get home and just start living life together.

And then I got home and 'living life' was actually kind of like it was in the hospital, I was just doing it at home. I was breastfeeding around the clock, sleeping for about 2 hours, ever 2 hours, for a few weeks. My husband was doing finals at school, my family had to go back to Saudi right after Eli was born, my hormones were all over the place. Not like when it's your time of the month all over the place. I'm talking seriously, you kind have zero control over anything you feel/think/want/say/eat. ZERO. And it's mostly bad things you feel/think/want/say/eat. Luckily it doesn't last that long (thank GOD) because if it did people would just not have babies. Ever.

Those early weeks are hard. SO, SO HARD. A little easier for some, and harder for others, but I do believe it's all relative. Personally I had this major issue with just having no clue who the heck I was anymore. I was still Aine...but now I was Aine with a baby. I couldn't do the things Old Aine would do anymore. I didn't have the time to dedicate to myself to even THINK about myself anymore. It's incredibly confusing to walk into a building just being yourself and then come out with a baby, thinking "all these people think that I'm someone now. This mom person. But I'm not. But I am. Wait...what??"

It's a major learning curve. I'm still on that curve. I'm still trying to figure out how to be 'mom' but understand that doesn't mean that Old Aine has to go anywhere anytime soon. With that acceptance comes a totally new appreciation for who I am as a mother and what I've accomplished by bringing a new life into this world (I still can't believe I've done, by the way. I've made a person!)

Yesterday, I had a seriously tough day with my baby boy. Huzband was away in Ennis from Friday to yesterday evening, and Eli's teeth decided, "hey look, Dad's gone, time to start making this kid absolutely wreck his mother's head." Seriously. I got about 5 hours sleep, and from the moment he woke up at 6:20am he screamed and whined and punched me and screamed some more and wouldn't take any Calpol. It took me about 5 hours to get the house clean, then myself washed, dressed, and put some make up on. I finally sat down for the first time at about 3pm. Eli woke up from his nap 5 minutes later. I walked in, picked him up, gave him a cuddle, kiss, and rocked him until he went back to sleep. After sitting back down, I realized even 3 months ago him waking up again would have killed me. I would've been majorly frustrated and cranky, and he would've known it (babies can sense these things). The things that make motherhood difficult don't really change...but it just gets easier to deal with them as you grow more into being Mom.

I know it's silly, but I was so proud of myself in that moment for just being able to handle that situation when, a few short months ago, I would have found it so hard. That's something I want any new moms reading this to know - do not expect to know how to handle your own emotions right away after having a baby. It takes so much practice and patience, but you will get there! And if you are looking at another mother thinking, "She seems to find it so easy," I promise you 'she' doesn't. We're all dealing with the exact same things. You'll get there mama.


Being Mom to that little dude is, putting it simply, the best. It really is. He is without a doubt one of the greatest people I've spent time with. He smiles at everything and every one, and has the best sense of humor and the weirdest, happiest personality. Lately, when I have him in the bed with me, he'll crawl on top of my chest and wrap his little warm body around my neck like a scarf, then make those adorable little baby noises in my ear. MELT. He has the warmest milky breath after a nap. A smile that sometimes, no joke, is literally too big for his face. And man, is he smart. So smart that it unsettles me sometimes, that actually he totally has me pegged and can't take me seriously when I tell him not to do things! All in all, I love that kid more than I have the words to express, and I feel like I've known him forever. I think, in a way, I have. He was always there, waiting for me to be ready for him.

There is nothing I would rather be doing in my life right now other than be a mom to my bebe. It's taken a while to adjust to motherhood, there's no doubt, but now that the major storms have passed, I feel so incredibly thankful that things have turned out the way they have.

Happy Mother's Day mamas. Don't let anyone or anything ever, EVER make you feel like the job you are doing is anything less than one of the most meaningful and important jobs on this earth. Enjoy every second of it.

They get so big so quick.